We’re taking a long, hard look in today’s episode about what we believe about ourselves, why we believe those things about ourselves, and how they drive our behaviors in not-so-great ways. Amy Smith is a self-proclaimed sassy-ass life coach who specializes in all things confidence who helps aspiring badasses stand up for themselves without being assholes. It’s time to let go of all that people-pleasing and cultivate some serious self-worth. In the meat of the episode, we’re talking about the fear of not belonging, of people pleasing and why it’s so detrimental to our mental and physical health, our beliefs about worthiness and how they drive our behaviors, constant comparison and perfectionism, and ALL THE THINGS. This is the type of episode where if you’re anything like me, you’ll want to listen once, and then listen again. And maybe take some notes and do some thinking about your life and how these things we’re talking about have played out in your own life. Because that’s what I did!
Today we’re chatting about:
- Amy’s personal journey with confidence and boundaries, from growing up in a “born-again Christian” family, dogma about what was right and wrong, shame, to reclaiming her power, becoming a health coach and teaching women how to set their own boundaries.
- The biggest things standing in the way of finding true joy in life
- People pleasing and why it’s so detrimental to our mental health – WHY are we so obsessed with what other people think of us?
- Asserting the stereotypical masculine vs. feminine side in business, family life, and setting boundaries
- Why do we always say “sorry” and “I feel bad” or “I feel guilty” if we haven’t actually something wrong?
- Our inner critic, or “inner shit-talker”, why we always listen to it (because it feels safe), and some tools for how to start silencing her.
- How the comparison narrative plays into our inner critic
- The loneliness narrative, of belonging and worthiness, and the perception and judgement on being single
- How we’ve convinced ourselves that we are not worthy enough for happiness and joy exactly as we are right now.
- How can we start changing how we speak to ourselves and our beliefs about ourselves?
- How perfectionism holds us back from allowing ourselves to see what we really want and go after what we really want
- If we are perfectionists, chronic people pleasers, and have low confidence in ourselves – how can we start to say no and establish boundaries, when we believe that saying YES to others will give us more value and worthiness, and we’re used to always saying yes?
Hang out with Amy!
Instagram: @thejoyjunkie
Website: www.thejoyjunkie.com
Check out Amy’s new eBook: Stand up For Yourself without Being a D*ck
Everybody knows those people who love to inflict guilt. Like “hey, you gonna take this pile of shit? I’m throwing at you!” And you have the decision to take it or not – “I actually don’t feel poorly about my behavior, I’m only doing something wrong according to you” – I’m not currently accepting applications for you to dump piles of shit on me.
Resources Mentioned:
- Brooke Castillo – The Life Coach School
- Book: Dare to Lead, by Brené Brown
- Book: A Tribe Called Bliss, by Laurie Harder
- Book: You Are a Badass, by Jenn Sincero
More episodes on people pleasing and perfectionism:
52 | Orthorexia, Perfectionism, and the Fear of not being loved with Haley Hannah Erickson
62 | Perfectionism in Eating Disorders and Autoimmune Disease with Paige Kinsella
60 | Amenorrhea, re-balancing hormones and your relationship with your body with Jessica Christin
64 | Weight stigma, BMI, and digging into emotional eating with Cara Cifelli
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